I‘ve been on a personal journey to obtain peace. You know the kind of peace monks have or statues of Budda seem to exude; I even want to “look” peaceful. When people see me there will be this magical glowing aura to let them know I am at peace. Don’t laugh…if you’ve read anything I’ve written before now you know exactly how vivid my imagination can be! I imagined daily mediation, yoga and connecting with the Universe, Moon, Sun, and Earth would lead to mystical experiences and I would forever be rid of negative experiences and self-defeating thoughts/feelings. I’m patient yet impatient and it’s no secret I’ve always been a perfectionist ergo my road to peace has been less than peaceful!
I’ve looked everywhere for help: identifying my personality type INFJ, Highly Sensitive and innate Empath; identifying blocked Chakras; holistic methods to conquer anxiety and depression; learning what cycle and zodiac the Moon was in the day I was born (Cancer which explains my personality types) mediation with the Chopra Center, restorative yoga, identifying my passions…you name it, I’ve read/done it all for the sake of obtaining and holding on to peace.
Don’t get me wrong…some days are absolutely amazing; I flow and share to hopefully pass on peace to others. Other days…I feel like a hypocrite! Demanding that everyone love and accept themselves unconditionally, always feel worthy, block out negativity etc. meanwhile I am experiencing an internal struggle. It’s not enough to know many others who also promote positive thinking/feeling are also experiencing personal struggles; I expect more from ME! During past few days I’ve been ready to throw in the towel but again…I expect more from ME so I will re-group and continue my quest for peace.
People will judge and have their say but until you walk in my shoes…you will never understand that it’s not as simple as “getting over it”! I am Highly Sensitive and yes I feel more than most but I am determined, strong willed and I have never been and will never be a quitter!
Writing has always been therapeutic so I feel stronger as I write these last few lines. I hope you will share your story because it helps to know you are not alone.