Good Afternoon and welcome to this week’s HER and HIS Perspective.
You’ve got questions…we’ve got answers! Join Her and His perspective each Wednesday where you will gain insight from both sides. Please submit your thoughts/questions to firstname.lastname@example.org by Friday and answers will be posted the following Wednesday (please note posting will depend on submission volume). We will not publish your name; just initials.
This week’s giveaway: A $25 Amazon Gift Card will be awarded to this week’s most helpful advice/comment. Winner will be announced Monday, May 6, 2013.
J.S. (male) Marietta,GA
1) Can a long distance relationship last the test of time? 2) Do we really let baggage from an old relationship go in a new relationship?
1) I believe a long distance relationship can be fruitful as long as both parties are open and honest about their expectations. If partners are mature and at the same stage in life, a long distance relationship can satisfy the needs of each and serve as a great way to deepen their bond while maintaining personal space and independence (each grows on their own as well as within the relationship). Partners must also agree on a set timetable to eventually end up in the same place thereby removing the distance. I do not believe a long distance relationship can survive indefinitely; at some point one or both partners will desire to spend more time with their loved one and the distance will become an issue.
2) It’s nearly impossible to avoid bringing baggage from past relationships into new ones…unless you take time to assess what went wrong and make a conscious effort to make changes. You must take an honest look at yourself to learn why the relationship was not successful, determine your role in the unsuccessful relationship and figure out what steps you can take to avoid another unsuccessful relationship. If you do not take time to complete an honest assessment, you will bring baggage into each new relationship eventually causing havoc and ending in failure. Baggage is simply events you have not examined to understand what you can learn from them and what you must purge to move on. The scariest thing to do is face yourself but you cannot move on peacefully unless you identify, take responsibility for and change what you must in order to enjoy a healthy relationship internally and with others.
1) I believe two human beings can make unimaginable matters come to life. If there’s unconditional, genuine love between two people, mountains, oceans, and road ways are no match. One should be honest with themselves and their partner initially going into the relationship; if you cannot behave with him or her in-town, how are you going to act when they’re miles away? Please, assay the situation, keep an open line of communication due to the fact that long distance relationships thrive and depend on it. At the end of the day if their worth it, what else needs to be said.
2) I know that if you’re not mentally, spiritually, and emotionally intact you will display/present that “baggage” you’re referring to. As human beings we become complacent in relationships and never address the underline issues, if you never addressed them in the previous relationship, how can you then expect to be happy or connect with your partner in the new one? The culpability is on you alone.
J.B. (female) Raleigh, NC
Is it possible to have a monogamous relationship?
Monogamy is possible but each partner must be honest and realistic about their needs and expectations. I believe if you are satisfying your partner emotionally, sexually and intellectually, he/she will not have a reason to stray. I must however point out that sex is different for men/women in most cases. A man can have meaningless sex; they are visual beings and how someone looks and moves are features they will want to explore. A woman views sex as a form of intimacy and normally won’t engage unless she is physically and emotionally attracted to someone. You must understand the person you are choosing as a partner: i.e. if you met and began a relationship with her/him while they were already in a relationship chances are history will repeat itself.
I don’t see anything convoluted about monogamy. I think there comes a time for a man or woman to be real with themselves and say I’m a bachelorette or a bachelor, let’s not charm people with virtues but rather, state what you want life to denote to you. Affirm who you are as an individual and others will respect that or they’ll keep their distance, either way you were honest with yourself and no one is scared in the process.
S.R. (male) New York, NY
Why do women complain that there are no good men yet when one shows interest they claim he’s “too nice”? What the hell is too nice anyway?
Here is my definition of “too nice”: he allows everyone in his life to overrule what he thinks, he doesn’t stand up for himself and he doesn’t seem to value his worth. If a man isn’t self-confident, why would anyone be attracted to him; same applies for a woman. As a partner you will encourage, inspire and hold up your mate but you don’t want to be with someone who thinks negatively, feels defeated and/or leans on you all the time. A woman wants to know that her man will stand strong with her against the world if necessary; normally the guy labeled “too nice” waivers and can be influenced. Also in some cases “too nice” can mean she does not feel physically safe with him; a man doesn’t have to be a “thug” to make a woman feel safe but he should not appear timid and/or weak. Relationships have come a long way but one consistency is that men should be the stronger sex.
I wouldn’t feed into those conversations if you’re not a guy who cheats, lies, sleeps around and doesn’t believe in marriage. Sometimes women go “fishing” with this statement, it can be a test, others could merely be candid critics. As far as being too nice I’m not sure about that. If you’re a nice guy, so be it, do not allow the opposite sex’s general view of men de tract your inner being my friend.
Love, Peace & Blessings… ~SereneNSassySoul
Thanks for giving us the chance to answer your personal questions. ~Mr. Turn It Up