I’ve taken an enormous step to take control of my life or at least to finally allow myself peace and happiness. Sure I’m introverted; sure I’ve always been somewhat of a loner but I never expected to feel so alone. Can you imagine how it feels to take such a huge step in the right direction and not have any support; either they don’t agree with my decision or what’s going on in their life is more important? Can you imagine what it feels like to be the person who has always tried her best to support others and when I need it most support is not reciprocated?
Sure I’m “different” from just about everyone I’ve met throughout my life but does that mean I don’t deserve support just because they may not understand who I am? At the very least the basic traits of who I am should be relatable; light side: compassionate, supportive, empathetic, kind; dark side: strong-willed, picky, unable to let things go sometimes, perfectionist. I’m not perfect and I would never claim to be; but I’m a good person and constantly doing what I can to improve myself. Perhaps people have a hard time connecting with me because they can’t understand me and I am sure I don’t make it easy for them to; it’s true I don’t open up unless I feel “safe” to do so.
I am faced with deciding how to move forward with my life feeling as though there is no one to turn to. I’ve attempted to figure things out on my own as I have done most of my life but I feel like I move forward, then I get stuck for a while before figuring out how to make myself move forward again. I’m afraid…deeply afraid because I’ve never been much of a risk taker and the decision I’ve made has put me in a position to make my own way. The one thing I am sure of is that this decision was absolutely the best thing I could have done for myself; now what?
At the moment passion is elusive; gifts seem dormant. I’ve been overstimulated by inspirational quotes, blog posts, webinars, entrepreneurial advice, self-help book, self-help seminar etc. There has never been and will never be one thing that I want to focus on every day; my spirit wants the freedom to soar using all of my gifts. Yes I’m introverted but I am also a social being; yes I am as my name indicates: Serene at times and Sassy other times. I enjoy spending time alone; it replenishes my energy. I also enjoy have fun and connecting with people who are authentic and kind.
Most of my life I’ve been the person others would come to for answers; now I need answers. I’ve fought my way through anxiety and depression; I refuse to believe that life is supposed to be difficult. I know that I have a purpose…I just need a bit of guidance to “fine-tune” my ability to KNOW what my purpose is. Hopefully I can quiet my mind long enough for the Universe to send me a message about what I must do next. I’m not bitter, I’m not angry, but perhaps I am disappointed to be here; in this space of precariousness.
I share the good with you; I must share the “other side” as well so you can understand that I am human and that there is no such thing as a perfect day every day.
I am SURE of a few things…I am courageous, I am NOT a quitter and my faith is unshakable. My heart knows it will all work out as it should; unfortunately my mind is and has always been impatient.
Love, Peace & Blessings…
It’s so hurtful to be in touch with someone who is unwilling to relate to anything you feel or say simply because their personal beliefs are different from yours. It’s an awful feeling making an effort to communicate with someone whose beliefs are not your own yet you listen to them compassionately but do not receive the same in return. Even worse…the person you are trying to communicate with claims to love you yet their actions are contrary.
Just finishing up a call compelled me to write this in an effort to relieve the pain spreading throughout my chest; it hurts each time I speak with them or when I am in their presence. My throat is also sore because I had to suppress my voice as it was evident they did not want to hear much of what I had to say. I mostly listened to their thoughts/feelings; there was dead silence when I attempted to share my thoughts/feelings.
I don’t need for anyone to be just like me or understand who I am; I do expect them to respect who I am and offer love and support if they plan to remain in my life. I’m done making excuses and trying to determine why people behave as they do and why they seemingly refuse to accept others without judgment. I am not perfect but I do not judge or dislike people based on my feelings or beliefs; if you’re kind and respect me I offer the same to you.
I mostly agree with the Law of Attraction but honestly there are some things I just cannot agree with. While I have experienced not liking certain traits in others because they were the same traits I did not like within (unknowingly until recently) I cannot agree that in each case I have somehow attracted these people into my life. Some people were brought into my life in ways out of my control (i.e. biological family members, co-workers, neighbors) and it’s not always in my best interest to keep them as part of my life. If someone who is a biological family member is not respectful of my thoughts/feelings, should I feel obligated to continue a relationship with them? No!
I’ve been through too much that I had to deal with on my own and I’ve come too far to allow anyone to disturb my peace. While I continued to hold certain biological family members and/or “friends” in high regard because I thought it was the “right” thing to do, I am no longer willing to sacrifice any part of myself. I will never again give away my inner peace for anyone or anything; it’s just not worth it. I love and accept myself unconditionally and anyone who cannot respect who I am is not worth having a place in my life…no matter who they are.
Sharing your feelings can be a sign of vulnerability for some; for me it’s a way to heal and perhaps offer others the courage to do the same.
Love, Peace & Blessings…
I want him to know the scent of my hair
I want him to know the touch of my hand
I want him to know the feel of my skin
I want him to know the thoughts in my mind
I want him to know how I feel inside and out
I want him to know my words before they are spoken
I want him to know my eyes and their stare
I want him to know my whispers; my moans
I want him to share what he feels; what he is afraid to tell
I want him to reveal his highest self and know he’s safe with me
I want him to always want more; always need more of me
I want him to know that his spirit and mine are entwined and out of control…
© SereneNSassy Soul 2014
Most times what’s not said means so much
Most times what you feel means so much
Most times your eyes reveal so much
Most times your touch tells so much
Most times your eyes give away so much
I can smell how much you want me
I can hear how deeply you breathe for me
I can see how much you are drawn to me
You can feel that I want you same as you want me
You can hear my breath; enticing you to move closer
You touch me and my skin betrays my desire to be unaffected
You…Me…it’s meant to be…
© SereneNSassy Soul 2014
Her touch ignites the deepest parts of him awakening each nerve, filling him with raw desire
His eyes pierce through her clearly stating he wants to plunge deep inside of her
His breathing is rapid anticipating an intense feeling from the first touch of her skin
He’s no longer the cool, always in control tower of strength; passion is driving every part of him
He’s giving in to his profound desire of pleasuring all of her…mind, body and beyond her soul
He intends to make his mark in the most hidden parts of her; he knows they will be one after this sensual journey
First touch up the length of her spine…her poise and resistance are lost forever…
© SereneNSassy Soul 2014