I’ve taken an enormous step to take control of my life or at least to finally allow myself peace and happiness. Sure I’m introverted; sure I’ve always been somewhat of a loner but I never expected to feel so alone. Can you imagine how it feels to take such a huge step in the right direction and not have any support; either they don’t agree with my decision or what’s going on in their life is more important? Can you imagine what it feels like to be the person who has always tried her best to support others and when I need it most support is not reciprocated?
Sure I’m “different” from just about everyone I’ve met throughout my life but does that mean I don’t deserve support just because they may not understand who I am? At the very least the basic traits of who I am should be relatable; light side: compassionate, supportive, empathetic, kind; dark side: strong-willed, picky, unable to let things go sometimes, perfectionist. I’m not perfect and I would never claim to be; but I’m a good person and constantly doing what I can to improve myself. Perhaps people have a hard time connecting with me because they can’t understand me and I am sure I don’t make it easy for them to; it’s true I don’t open up unless I feel “safe” to do so.
I am faced with deciding how to move forward with my life feeling as though there is no one to turn to. I’ve attempted to figure things out on my own as I have done most of my life but I feel like I move forward, then I get stuck for a while before figuring out how to make myself move forward again. I’m afraid…deeply afraid because I’ve never been much of a risk taker and the decision I’ve made has put me in a position to make my own way. The one thing I am sure of is that this decision was absolutely the best thing I could have done for myself; now what?
At the moment passion is elusive; gifts seem dormant. I’ve been overstimulated by inspirational quotes, blog posts, webinars, entrepreneurial advice, self-help book, self-help seminar etc. There has never been and will never be one thing that I want to focus on every day; my spirit wants the freedom to soar using all of my gifts. Yes I’m introverted but I am also a social being; yes I am as my name indicates: Serene at times and Sassy other times. I enjoy spending time alone; it replenishes my energy. I also enjoy have fun and connecting with people who are authentic and kind.
Most of my life I’ve been the person others would come to for answers; now I need answers. I’ve fought my way through anxiety and depression; I refuse to believe that life is supposed to be difficult. I know that I have a purpose…I just need a bit of guidance to “fine-tune” my ability to KNOW what my purpose is. Hopefully I can quiet my mind long enough for the Universe to send me a message about what I must do next. I’m not bitter, I’m not angry, but perhaps I am disappointed to be here; in this space of precariousness.
I share the good with you; I must share the “other side” as well so you can understand that I am human and that there is no such thing as a perfect day every day.
I am SURE of a few things…I am courageous, I am NOT a quitter and my faith is unshakable. My heart knows it will all work out as it should; unfortunately my mind is and has always been impatient.
Love, Peace & Blessings…