Spilled Thoughts
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After a long hiatus, as I drove today, I felt my soul stirring. I felt warm and vibrant, sort of a foreign feeling because it’s been a while.  My feelings have been dormant, nil, gone, lost… Even feeling my soul stirring today was not as strong as I’ve experienced previously; it was quiet, calm but I felt it nonetheless; I finally felt something…

Hearing his voice today stirred my soul; it was as if I was re-awakening. My skin soft and supple, my breath deep and full, my smile serene and alive, my vibration soft yet strong… I feel sensually peaceful and blessed to be alive for this experience and although unsure of where it will lead, excited about the possibilities…


I listened to His voice soothing, sweetly melodic but I realized that it’s not about him per say, he’s the one who reminds me how deeply I can feel and that it’s safe to allow myself to feel. I read something yesterday that mentioned, when you close yourself in an effort to protect yourself or deal with life, you also cut off your ability to love and your creativity. Explains why I haven’t created anything nor have I felt inspired in a long while.

Closing myself off was the only way I knew how to protect myself from feeling too much of things that caused me dis-ease. I’m intelligent enough to understand that I can’t feel great every moment of every day but I was having too many negative moments so I shut down, almost completely. Shutting down provides protection of sorts but it means being only a shell of who I truly am; I was unfulfilled in protective mode even more so than I was just being me.

So back to Him, my long time inspiration… I was worried because I had not been missing Him, didn’t feel a need to hear him or see him even though he’s been The One for as long as I can remember. Years ago, He was the reason I began writing and feeling again after a long period of despair. I’ve often thought of him as my muse, friend and at times I was in and out of love with him; in and out of denial about my feelings for him; sure but unsure about my feelings so I shut down, shut him out and moved on, albeit to nowhere.

My internal dialogue, “Just let yourself feel and flow; don’t think too much and don’t hold on to anything.” Pretty sure I’ll never be the same again but reconnecting with myself, my true self feels so amazing why would I want to return to the shell of me? I love who I am now so ready or not world, here I am!

As always sending you Love, Peace & Blessings during your journey Beautiful Spirits…


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