My Dearest Heart,
I still believe in you and your messages of guidance. I believe you know what is best for me and why I’ve been born to this world. I know you are strong; you are why and how I’ve survived this long.
You’ve been through so much and there has been so much strain put upon you. Some of the pain has been a direct result of poor choices I’ve made when I have ignored your guidance; others just because the world is not as warm and friendly as I imagined it to be.
I’m sorry for causing you distress and please know that I’ve tried my best to do better by you. I’ve tried so hard to allow you to lead… Please know that I’ve fought gallantly for you, but just because I’m a warrior does not mean I can win every battle.
Physically I am strong but I have not won wars within my mind; it’s perhaps the strongest force within me. Unfortunately, my mind does not seem to have my best interest at heart; it’s completely consumed with maintaining control of my entire being at any cost. Hopes and dreams are irrelevant to my mind.
I’m writing to let you know that I will no longer fight my mind. I will simply concede and do what I can to simply survive in this world until this lifetime is over. Perhaps you think of me as a quitter, but I hope you can understand that I am just so very tired of fighting; I have not won many battles to date. Exhaustion has swallowed me; whatever I’ve been fighting against is stronger than I may ever be.
I imagine you will continue charging ahead, although I believe you are just as beaten up as I am. I feel you straining to stay alive; beating as fiercely as you can perhaps in an effort to prevent me from giving in to my mind. I feel your heaviness; your discontent with my decision. Please know I am grateful for all you have done and will do; my faith in you will always be. Right now, I just need to rest; to simply just be in this chaotic world. I am prepared to let nothingness consume me, completely…
Perhaps the very next lifetime, you will be the strongest part of me; leading me to greatness. As for the remaining part of this lifetime, I will fade into the background and survive; perhaps gathering information to prepare for the next lifetime.
Cheers to you, Dearest Heart!