Posted in Inspirational Flow

Only YOU Can Save Yourself

Dearest Beautiful Spirits,

After spending yesterday in bed, searching for a reason to keep trying, I’ve awakened today with reasonS to keep trying.

Here’s the thing, I had to acknowledge that there is something within me that is destructive. It fights all of the good in me, as if it’s trying to prevent its inevitable death once I get the hang of thriving as my authentic self. This destructive (for lack of a better term) part of me is a strong son-of-a-b&tch, fortunately the rest of me is even more powerful.

You see it’s so much easier to blame something outside of yourself when your life doesn’t seem to go as want it to. At this time in my life, there is no one or nothing to blame, yet I still feel as though I am not where I should be.

I’ve even tried to blame it on being an introvert, unfortunately everywhere I look there is a successful introvert thriving because of who they are. I honestly believe as an idealist, dreamer, INFP I often get stuck in the creation phase of things and lose interest shortly thereafter because…monotony of day-to-day business is not appealing to me. Funny thing is, I am definitely at the point in my life where working for someone else, helping to build their dreams is simply NOT AN OPTION! I’ve managed other people’s businesses, it’s past time for me to put my big girl panties on and manage my own business. HUuuuuuuumph! *chuckles*

Bottom line is, I’ve been afraid of following through with my dreams/ideas because lack of support has subliminally taught me I am unworthy of fulfilling my dreams/ideas. Growing up, no one ever saw the splendor in my dreams/ideas and I wasn’t encouraged to pursue them. If the ones who love you don’t seem to believe in you, how can you expect anyone else will?

As the years went by, the twinkle in my eyes along with my fearlessness slowly evaporated and I began waiting for someone to save me (i.e. from the bully in school, the adults who thought it was okay to violate my trust, an abusive spouse…) yet no one ever came to save me.

 

YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU MAY KNOW AT THIS MOMENT; DON’T EVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. ITS TIME TO BE YOUR OWN HERO…

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Being saved was a deep longing I needed fulfilled but much to my chagrin, it never happened until the Universe told me clearly and with certainty, “You and only you have the power to save yourself. It’s time for you to do so with all that you are; all that I’ve created you to be. You are never alone, I am always here unconditionally loving, protecting and guiding you.”

After such a spiritual awakening, there is no way I could continue waiting for anyone to save me so I made a conscious effort to begin saving myself. I am not perfect nor always happy but my personal power is something that I rely on to keep moving forward instead of allowing myself to give up.

Let me just tell you, my entire being…mind, body, spirit, soul and heart gang up on me if I try to give up; seriously sore throat, chest pains, back pains, headaches, spiritual disconnection etc. The part of me that is not destructive has become so much stronger than the part trying it’s best to shut me down therefore, my only choice is to keep moving forward.

Wishing You Love, Peace & Courage during your personal journey…

SereneNSassySoul

Posted in Spilled Thoughts

Dearest Heart,

My Dearest Heart,

I still believe in you and your messages of guidance. I believe you know what is best for me and why I’ve been born to this world. I know you are strong; you are why and how I’ve survived this long.

You’ve been through so much and there has been so much strain put upon you. Some of the pain has been a direct result of poor choices I’ve made when I have ignored your guidance; others just because the world is not as warm and friendly as I imagined it to be.

I’m sorry for causing you distress and please know that I’ve tried my best to do better by you. I’ve tried so hard to allow you to lead… Please know that I’ve fought gallantly for you, but just because I’m a warrior does not mean I can win every battle.

Physically I am strong but I have not won wars within my mind; it’s perhaps the strongest force within me. Unfortunately, my mind does not seem to have my best interest at heart; it’s completely consumed with maintaining control of my entire being at any cost. Hopes and dreams are irrelevant to my mind.

I’m writing to let you know that I will no longer fight my mind. I will simply concede and do what I can to simply survive in this world until this lifetime is over. Perhaps you think of me as a quitter, but I hope you can understand that I am just so very tired of fighting; I have not won many battles to date. Exhaustion has swallowed me; whatever I’ve been fighting against is stronger than I may ever be.

I imagine you will continue charging ahead, although I believe you are just as beaten up as I am. I feel you straining to stay alive; beating as fiercely as you can perhaps in an effort to prevent me from giving in to my mind. I feel your heaviness; your discontent with my decision. Please know I am grateful for all you have done and will do; my faith in you will always be. Right now, I just need to rest; to simply just be in this chaotic world. I am prepared to let nothingness consume me, completely…

Perhaps the very next lifetime, you will be the strongest part of me; leading me to greatness. As for the remaining part of this lifetime, I will fade into the background and survive; perhaps gathering information to prepare for the next lifetime.

Cheers to you, Dearest Heart!

Posted in Spilled Thoughts

DSA (Divided States of America) Election – Mourning After

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The outcome of the DSA (Divided States of America) presidential election was never about her or him. I care about The People no matter what; the DSA election was not at all about The People.

As I awakened on this New Day, I felt a heaviness in my heart center. As if evil defeated good, hate defeated love, Goliath defeated David… Just to reiterate this is not about her or him (the her in this case certainly cannot be referenced as “good”) this is about The People.

I feel so disheartened because it should never have come to this; those two competing for a leadership position that impacts The People on such a large scale. I’m sad because no one stepped in to save us and I feel as though we could not do anything to save ourselves; powerless and vulnerable are the words that come to mind.

One of the worst realizations throughout the process, was feeling as though the good within The People was being reduced drastically and hate was replacing love and light.

It’s not just racism it’s pure hate for anything and anyone who doesn’t look as they look, do as they do, have what they have, believe as they believe, know what they know, act as they do…

I read something that said Canada can’t save us; funny because I thought of relocating to Canada shortly before this whole thing got into full swing. At some point, I realized that running was not the answer and I belong here same as those who CLAIM they are the only “true” Americans (whatever that means considering just about everyone one immigrated to the DSA).

I don’t know what will happen next but as I work through my disappointment, I will find answers I need to make My World a better place. My saving grace…knowing the Universe has a plan and this is where my faith remains.

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Posted in Love Flow

I want to but…I cannot

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I want to…

Thank you for letting me into your world
Getting to know you has been challenging yet somehow exhilarating
I want to be your soul’s partner, here for you always
Never judging, always supporting and loving you unconditionally
I want to explore this world with you; create with you
I want to be the one you finally feel safe with; open up to completely
I want to be your last and somehow your first
You are worth my time, my energy, entwining my path with yours

…but I cannot…

You have not let go of your past hurts, disappointment, abuse
You are still hurting; accusing and suspicious
Nothing I say or do can make your mind, your heart feel at ease
You are stuck, unable to move forward
Your soul’s wounds still exposed and blistering
You see this lifetime hasn’t been easy for me, I can relate to your pain
But for you and me, I can begin again, love again, feel good again
For you I’ve waited what seems like a lifetime; sad to have love squashed by the death grip of pain
I’ve come too far along in my healing journey to ever turn back to what has been
I will always love you, my heart won’t let you go
But I must leave now before I lose any part of myself again

I want to but… I cannot.

 

© 2016 SereneNSassySoul

Posted in Beautiful Things

Gratitude After Matthew

Today I thanked each tree for standing tall and strong despite Matthew’s wrath! My car, my home, my family are all safe. I watched the trees bend, some I didn’t think would make it but they refused to let Matthew take them down.

The Sun’s warmth today was so necessary and so energizing. The cool Autumn breeze is truly cleansing helping to clear out residual crap (*chuckles*) making room for infinite opportunities.

Matthew gave me time to ponder and open my mind further…

You know me, always looking for something positive within chaos. Besides, I find inspiration in everything the Universe creates.

Love, Peace & Blessings…

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